Muristek
Free bags, DNA tracking, £100 fines… How can we solve the stinky issue of dog poo?
Despite a frostily aloof demeanour, my dog, Oscar, is a prodigious pooper. I dread to think how much of my one wild and precious life has been spent standing in all weathers watching him squat, bony spine rounded, nether regions a-quiver, wondering what his stony stare conveys: shame, defiance, gratitude, enjoyment? I can, however, estimate quite easily how many times I have placed a thin plastic bag over my hand and picked up his ejections: at least four times daily for 13 and a half years. That adds up to more than 18,000 bags of warm shit. Well, mainly bags: like any dog owner, there are the times I have been caught short, being forced to use tissues, leaves and even, recently, a surgical mask (quite effective, actually).
Of course I pick up, even when it’s tricky. Everyone I know picks up. Everyone you ask picks up. And yet, there is dog poo everywhere – as much, if not more, than ever. I’ve been intrigued ever since my friend Rob, a sociologist, drew my attention to the horrible flowering of turds during the first Covid lockdown. By early 2021 he was vindicated: we were widely considered to be “in the grip of a dog mess emergency”. Being a sociologist, Rob called it a “statement of populist nihilism” in the face of an existential threat. Other, more prosaic explanations included the decline in levels of social surveillance in unusually empty lockdown streets allowing people to indulge their innate irresponsibility, and the explosion in pandemic dog ownership, with inexperienced owners discovering and rejecting this unappealing side to caring for their new companions.
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